What to Do About Competing Beliefs and Emotions.

This is a big issue. It's easy to get caught in the rip tide of competing beliefs and competing emotions. I know that because I've frequently tried to swim in those waters!

Just this morning, it happened. I was awakened way too early by my reckoning, but, I made the coffee and sat quietly. I noticed some unrest, some agitation within me. I pursued it in thought. What was that tension, that pull?

Slowly, it came clear. Yesterday when working with a coaching client, just the right words seemed to come out of my mouth. and a light turned on for him. He told me that my asking that question made everything come into focus and I had shed light on the basic issue, the missing piece as to why his business was stalled. Helping him in that way was tremendously gratifying for me, too.

Then, just hours afterwards at a big event, the opposite seemed to happen. I had done a big piece of work for a man many people look up to. If they knew him as well as I do, they wouldn't get a crick in their neck from doing it! However, I believed in his project and wanted to help bring it to clarity. In the doing of it, conflicting motives were exposed and I had to tell him the truth as my experience and expertise saw it. His project could not be done as he wanted it to be done: low cost, discounting the value of others, wanting something for nothing. He was livid! And, last night, at the event, he managed to look right through me as he acknowledged those I was standing with.

So, am I of high value to my client and worthless to this other man? Apparently so. Could I feel the warmth of helping one at the same time as experiencing the wrath of the other? Apparently so. Did I allow the wrath to supercede the warmth? Somewhere inside I did. So, as I sat in the early morning light with my coffee and thought about it, I saw the choice as the poet, John Lydgate described:

"You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time."

Of course, Abraham Lincoln is better known for the quote, but, he substituted 'please' for 'fool' and that made all the difference.

Competing beliefs and emotions are intertwined. There are people who applaud and there are people who boo at the same performance. My task is to stay in alignment with my values, beliefs and principles and live accordingly. So, easy to say, eh?

But, there are moments! And, these moments take some thinking through. Yes, my client was grateful and our interaction made a huge difference in his life. Yes, that other fellow is angry because he can't have what he wants...at least, from me. One loves me, the other attempts to annihilate me with his glare. With the clarity of coffee and quiet, I come to peace with both these relationships. I lived my truth.

Did it feel good to find myself in that rip tide? No, but it caused me to swim.

Treading water simply wasn't going to work. It got me nowhere and left me in danger of being pulled apart by competing beliefs and emotions. I've coached clients who didn't want to recognize that they had been treading water so long they were in danger of drowning. I'm effective because I've been there and had to learn to swim.

And, I've been there as recently as this morning. It's just that now I recognize the waters and get myself out of the doldrums quickly...on a good day. :)

Cheers,

Rhoberta

I invite you to become a member of http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ and swim along with me.