Letting Go of The Nasty Elements of Perfectionism.

I know, right now there are a lot of people who could use your help. In fact, most of us could use some help. And, that's a good thing.

"Seems strange to me." That's what a coaching client said to me recently when I suggested that asking for help was a good thing. Her upbringing suggested to her that asking for help was an admission of weakness, of not knowing how to do something or what to do next. Never!

Have you ever had that thought? That asking for help was a sign of weakness, or a disclosure of being less than perfect. And, was that unthinkable? I don't think my client was alone in this thought at all. Wherever did we get the idea that we're supposed to know everything and how to do everything...and do it all well?

Oooooh, the nasty elements of a perfectionist script!! I got sad after that coaching call. One more person whose upbringing and learning was that she was supposed to be an impostor, pretending she was on top of everything all the time. Now, there's a big energy leak! No chance of her being human. Sad!

I know this one because that was a significant part of the subtle conditioning I, too, received as a child. The reason the client's words resonated so deeply with me with because of that connection to things I have walked through and have to stay mindful of. So, it hit home!

So, I thought about the things I remind myself of when I find myself heading down a perfectionistic pathway. Here's a couple that came to mind right away:

• My parents like most told me that "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well." I remind myself that if it has any value, any real worth to do, it must also be worth doing half-**!! Just the doing of it has value in my books. (My big question: How many people never got to dabble to find out if they loved something because they had to do it well or not at all? )


• In the copywriting world, the slogan is: "Better written, than right." That's really useful to me because it is so easy putting off doing something because it can't be the very best I could possibly do...but IT WILL DO!


• The women in my family taught me that 'You're letting women down" if you go out without make-up and clothes not matching. "Tsk! Tsk! She's really letting herself go." I could hear them in my head if the full routine was not engaged in prior to stepping out the door. I do what makes me feel comfortable, not wasting time wondering what others will think.


• And, "Work! Work! Work!" That perfectionist script came to me complete with the idea that unless I was working, studying, somehow bettering myself, I was just not doing my job. So, I guess that's what made me such an advocate for living life in a conscious, thoughtful, balanced way. That's usually one of the main ingredients holding us back from the life we most want, strangely enough!

So, just a few thoughts about "being perfect" and why it's worth giving it up. Thanks to the client who provoked that thought today. Walking together is always the best way to go.

I'd love to hear about your tools and tricks for staying away from old perfectionism scripts. Please tell me by adding your comments to today's blog. It will help me and everyone else, too.

Be a tense times tamer!
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Psychologist. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/
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http://www.corevaluesprofile.com/