You Are Rich If...

You Are Rich If...

You remember the image of something so exquisitely beautiful it took your breath away.

You can hear a friend's words of encouragement still ringing in your ear.

You remember one wise thing a caring adult told you.

You remember a time when laughter caused tears to run down your cheeks and you to double over to catch your breath.

You have any holiday tradition that you still insist on following, no matter how trivial or crazy.

You have someone with whom you have no secrets, some who knows you well and loves you because of it.

You know how it feels to have your heart expand with love.

You like yourself and demonstrate it by treating yourself well.

You know what brings you joy and you create it purposefully.

You have a happy memory that lights you up on dark days.

You see the cup half full, and know you are holding the pitcher to fill it.

You love freely without judgment, just because it's who you are.

You have released past hurts as there is no remedy.

You embrace the present moment because it is the only time you have.

You have someone to call who will brighten up by hearing your voice.

You know there is no one to blame and no longer go looking for them.

You believe you are beautiful in every way.

You notice and appreciate small joys, wonders and gestures as well as the big ones.

You believe in yourself and others.

Someone lights up when you walk in the room.

You have loved and been loved by a dog.

Every day you find something for which to give thanks.


I give thanks for you for...

...finding the sunlight and walking in it even when the world wants to tell you it is raining and there's more to come.

...loving life because you're breathing--and it beats what is in second place.

...bringing a smile to someone's face by putting one on your own.

...taking the time to appreciate the presence of another in your life.

...reaching out to say "Thank you" for the small things that touch your heart and mind.

...living your truth, no matter what those around you have to say about it.

...remembering that life is a journey to be experienced fully, not a destination to reach or a race to be won.

...being ever aware of the gift of Life in every moment, opening it and being delighted with whatever is in the package.

...and for being a center of peace, love and well-being--on purpose.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Many blessings, much love and great joy,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Founder, Spiritual Living Network
www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com

The Fear of Being Sold Something

As an infopreneur--one who offers insights and information for a living--I'm finding that folks have a fear of being sold something. Do you think that's true?

I've taking a strong stand on the side of:

> not sending emails to my subscribers lists too frequently
> making sure that I only send things of true value that I recommend
> giving great value in free teleseminars
> not using scare tactics and lack as a way of creating urgency to buy something

...and the list goes on.

My reward: people who love to get free things and never pay for anything, generally. Of course, I have some valued clients who also value what I offer them, however, that word "generally" is a big one.

Are we so unwilling to know ourselves and what we want or need that we simply take without buying? Or, are we so undiscerning that we get fooled by clever, pscyhologically-based marketing language that sweeps us up and has us handing over money that we really don't have. That could be a big part of what this grand economic change in our country is based on: people wanting a whole lot for nothing. That IS the basis of upping your salary without doing anything more. That IS the basis for charging more and more to "see what the market will bear" without adding more and more value.

So, what are you afraid of? Buy from people you trust to bring you the insights, information or inspiration you find valuable. That's a fair exchange!

Cheers,
Rhoberta

Where Does the Wisdom Lie?

Today I was driving, doing errands, and thinking about how to determine what the right next thing to do really is. On October 15, I became a US citizen, but did not have to give up my Canadian citizenship to do it. That was a blessing. So, the question came to me because my investments are in Canada and the Canadian dollar is tumbling once again. That means tension: tension because I have to pay my bills in US dollars.

This really was driven home to me before I realized the impact things had had on the Canadian dollar about four weeks ago. I took $2500 out of a Canadian account to pay for a few things here in the US. I nearly fell over when I received the foreign exchange notice in the mail shortly after: $614.95 in exchange. That $614.95 is lost and gone forever. It did not pay a bill, or pay for some treat, fun or luxury. It was simply lost.

So the question on my mind is: do I return to live in Canada and earn US dollars so that the living is made much easier with the exchange rate in my favor? Or, do I just keep looking for good ways to increase my income in the US and not uproot myself? Do I look at the current situation as requiring action? Or, do I say, 'This too shall pass." and wait it out.

It's a question of where the wisdom lies. It is the place between being reactive and being realistic. It's a conundrum, for sure.

Today, I have not come to a conclusion. If you have an insight, or are experiencing a similar dilemna, I hope you'll comment.

Cheers,
Rhoberta

Aligning Our Values with What We Do Every Day

So many folks that I receive email from, or who take a course with me, or are coaching clients teach me two important things:

1. Many cannot say clearly what they value in life, or,
2. When they talk about their values, they don't connect them to daily living and working.

Both of these create a sense of disconnection, anxiety, and even, chaos in our lives and work. I know because I had to wrestle these things down and make them real for me, too.

What is important to you defines who you are. Recently a colleague was feeling anxious about an interview she gave. When I asked why, she said that she feared that she had talked too much about spiritual things while being interviewed about workplace issues. She thought she had maybe ruined her market opportunities by spilling the beans that she values spiritual principles.

My question to her was: "Are you living in alignment with who you truly are when you pretend that spiritual principles are not important to the way you bring value to people at work?"


She told me the usual, that she didn't want to tarnish the possibilities of people wanting to work with her because she needed the money and clients and she could easily keep spiritual words or concepts out of the workplace consulting. So, why would she take the risk? That's why she was feeling upset. She was upset because she felt her authenticity reduced her market appeal.

I understand the issue. She's not alone. I had to work through this one, too, and, believe it, it took some doing.

It is a risk to be who you are! Why? Because the alternative is being who other people want you to be. That's a waste of your unique life.

(If this is an issue for you, we talk about solving it in depth in our book, Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up. www.SoulSolitude.com )

What are you doing? Living who you are, or, who other people want you to be? That's the biggest question to answer.

Birthdays are Great!

It was my birthday yesterday, and, I've had quite a few. Each year brings something new: new insights, experiences, people, challenges, opportunities. It was lovely to reflect on the past year and realize how rich life is.

This is the first year I've really engaged in Facebook. I was not surprised to hear from family and old friends there, But, who knew that thirty-five FB "friends" would take the time to write and say 'Happy Birthday!' In thinking that through, a few stray thoughts popped up:


"Oh, yes, well, FB or Plaxo or some other social networking system reminded them, so, does it really count?"


>"Yes, it does. Why would you ever discount someone's time and attention who cared enough to send a shout out? They didn't have to and they didn't want anything more than to take a moment and connect."



"They don't know me and it really is rather meaningless. Don't they have anything better to do that send BD greetings to folks they don't know? (Ooooh, that's cynical!)"


"Yes, they have better things to do that would move their lives forward or make them money, AND, they took the time to connect. That really says something positive about our society, whether we've ever met or not. They didn't have to do that, they chose to.


So, what did I learn from this?

That social networking is much bigger in heart than I might have thought.
That people do care enough to take the time to reach out.
That the idea of a penpal is alive and well in an up-to-date format.
That I feel grateful for everyone of these folks.
That I feel even more inclined to reach out and connect with these folks

And, that I am blessed. It doesn't matter if the times are tense or trouble-free, there are always people who care, who will stop and smell the roses with you. That's what really tames tense times!

I guess that's why I started Spiritual Living Network - fr.ee social networking for spiritually-minded folks. It gives them a great place to connect with like-minded people. When our new format for it goes live in January, it will be even more like Facebook...and, that's a very good thing.

Thanks, everyone. Please keep reaching out from your hearts and letting others what I experienced yesterday.

With great love and much joy,
Rhoberta

P.S. You can join in at www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com and, of course, become a member of www.TamingTenseTimes.com , too. Let's connect in these new ways.

What to Do About Competing Beliefs and Emotions.

This is a big issue. It's easy to get caught in the rip tide of competing beliefs and competing emotions. I know that because I've frequently tried to swim in those waters!

Just this morning, it happened. I was awakened way too early by my reckoning, but, I made the coffee and sat quietly. I noticed some unrest, some agitation within me. I pursued it in thought. What was that tension, that pull?

Slowly, it came clear. Yesterday when working with a coaching client, just the right words seemed to come out of my mouth. and a light turned on for him. He told me that my asking that question made everything come into focus and I had shed light on the basic issue, the missing piece as to why his business was stalled. Helping him in that way was tremendously gratifying for me, too.

Then, just hours afterwards at a big event, the opposite seemed to happen. I had done a big piece of work for a man many people look up to. If they knew him as well as I do, they wouldn't get a crick in their neck from doing it! However, I believed in his project and wanted to help bring it to clarity. In the doing of it, conflicting motives were exposed and I had to tell him the truth as my experience and expertise saw it. His project could not be done as he wanted it to be done: low cost, discounting the value of others, wanting something for nothing. He was livid! And, last night, at the event, he managed to look right through me as he acknowledged those I was standing with.

So, am I of high value to my client and worthless to this other man? Apparently so. Could I feel the warmth of helping one at the same time as experiencing the wrath of the other? Apparently so. Did I allow the wrath to supercede the warmth? Somewhere inside I did. So, as I sat in the early morning light with my coffee and thought about it, I saw the choice as the poet, John Lydgate described:

"You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time."

Of course, Abraham Lincoln is better known for the quote, but, he substituted 'please' for 'fool' and that made all the difference.

Competing beliefs and emotions are intertwined. There are people who applaud and there are people who boo at the same performance. My task is to stay in alignment with my values, beliefs and principles and live accordingly. So, easy to say, eh?

But, there are moments! And, these moments take some thinking through. Yes, my client was grateful and our interaction made a huge difference in his life. Yes, that other fellow is angry because he can't have what he wants...at least, from me. One loves me, the other attempts to annihilate me with his glare. With the clarity of coffee and quiet, I come to peace with both these relationships. I lived my truth.

Did it feel good to find myself in that rip tide? No, but it caused me to swim.

Treading water simply wasn't going to work. It got me nowhere and left me in danger of being pulled apart by competing beliefs and emotions. I've coached clients who didn't want to recognize that they had been treading water so long they were in danger of drowning. I'm effective because I've been there and had to learn to swim.

And, I've been there as recently as this morning. It's just that now I recognize the waters and get myself out of the doldrums quickly...on a good day. :)

Cheers,

Rhoberta

I invite you to become a member of http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ and swim along with me.

Letting Go of The Nasty Elements of Perfectionism.

I know, right now there are a lot of people who could use your help. In fact, most of us could use some help. And, that's a good thing.

"Seems strange to me." That's what a coaching client said to me recently when I suggested that asking for help was a good thing. Her upbringing suggested to her that asking for help was an admission of weakness, of not knowing how to do something or what to do next. Never!

Have you ever had that thought? That asking for help was a sign of weakness, or a disclosure of being less than perfect. And, was that unthinkable? I don't think my client was alone in this thought at all. Wherever did we get the idea that we're supposed to know everything and how to do everything...and do it all well?

Oooooh, the nasty elements of a perfectionist script!! I got sad after that coaching call. One more person whose upbringing and learning was that she was supposed to be an impostor, pretending she was on top of everything all the time. Now, there's a big energy leak! No chance of her being human. Sad!

I know this one because that was a significant part of the subtle conditioning I, too, received as a child. The reason the client's words resonated so deeply with me with because of that connection to things I have walked through and have to stay mindful of. So, it hit home!

So, I thought about the things I remind myself of when I find myself heading down a perfectionistic pathway. Here's a couple that came to mind right away:

• My parents like most told me that "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well." I remind myself that if it has any value, any real worth to do, it must also be worth doing half-**!! Just the doing of it has value in my books. (My big question: How many people never got to dabble to find out if they loved something because they had to do it well or not at all? )


• In the copywriting world, the slogan is: "Better written, than right." That's really useful to me because it is so easy putting off doing something because it can't be the very best I could possibly do...but IT WILL DO!


• The women in my family taught me that 'You're letting women down" if you go out without make-up and clothes not matching. "Tsk! Tsk! She's really letting herself go." I could hear them in my head if the full routine was not engaged in prior to stepping out the door. I do what makes me feel comfortable, not wasting time wondering what others will think.


• And, "Work! Work! Work!" That perfectionist script came to me complete with the idea that unless I was working, studying, somehow bettering myself, I was just not doing my job. So, I guess that's what made me such an advocate for living life in a conscious, thoughtful, balanced way. That's usually one of the main ingredients holding us back from the life we most want, strangely enough!

So, just a few thoughts about "being perfect" and why it's worth giving it up. Thanks to the client who provoked that thought today. Walking together is always the best way to go.

I'd love to hear about your tools and tricks for staying away from old perfectionism scripts. Please tell me by adding your comments to today's blog. It will help me and everyone else, too.

Be a tense times tamer!
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Psychologist. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/
http://www.optimizeinstitute.com/
http://www.corevaluesprofile.com/

Launching TamingTenseTimes.com - New Membership Website

What a big day! After weeks of preparing, writing, deciding and doing, the new membership website at http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ launched. It's exciting. It perfect for me because it is the coming together of my work as a psychologist, coach, author, consultant and teacher. And, it combines that with helping folks meet the challenges and changes of tense, tough and turbulent times.

As we pushed the button to send the news to thousands of subscribers last night, it was fraught with tension. Strange, eh? A site names http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ creates its own tension as it is given life. But, so, it was. The tension, of course, came from two sources: will all the technology work well, and, will folks find it intriguing and valuable? We'll see.

I've done my best to make the most generous offer I can. Let's see if it truly meets a need, and folks join. It's exciting, as I said, but, it's scary, too. It's always a risk.

Would you do me a favor? Visit the site, http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ and post your feedback here. That would be truly helpful. Of course, the very best feedback would be to have you as a member.

Here's to success!
Rhoberta

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler is the author of the brand new book, Prevent Free Fall: Pack Your Own Parachute - Timely Tactics for Taming Tense Times. The book, and the expansive 10-CD set that accompanies it offer ten clear tactics to triumph over tense times.

WHAT'S THE #$&*(@_!! ISSUE WITH INTERNET MARKETING?

Today, I was cleaning the shower. It's such a boring task that my mind could wander at will.

I started thinking about the last ten years of reaching out on the internet. Ten years of offering newsletters, websites, books, audio programs, teleseminars, to share insights, experience and expertise. As, I did that I started to get agitated, maybe even angry.

I've studied with the "big guys" and learned all the ways, tried and true, devious and demanding, in your face and subtle, to create my income online. I dislike the 'in your face' approach. It feels so hard-nosed and thick-skinned. I resist writing long sales letters, even in the face of evidence that people actually buy more from them. Who knows why??? 'Cuz I hate getting them? Likely.

So, I thought back on all this as I scrubbed. What's the deal? I do my best to bring great content. I even have a free social networking site for spiritually-minded people at http://www.spirituallivingnetwork.com/ Isn't giving people a venue to connect enough? Isn't writing ezines--for the first three years, it was daily--not enough? What does it take to get people to value what they receive and support me in return?

Now, I'm launching http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ and wondering what will happen. My questions:

• Should I keep my gentle, "here's something you might benefit from" approach?


• Am I fooling myself that this is a respectful approach?


• Do people really want to be hit over the head or have things rammed down their throats and I need to toughen up?


• Should I turn into the marketer whose credo is "buy or die" whichever comes first, but you'll hear from me until you've told me repeatedly you don't want to?


• Is it necessary to scream with long sales letters filled with words folks seldom read in order to get the attention of people who might value what I offer?


• Whatever is it that need to do to be compensated for forty years of experience integrated with even more expertise?

So, this is rapidly becoming a rant, but it is a cathartic one. What should I do? Launch http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ by force feeding, or invitation to the feast?

Help, please. Tell me what you're thinking, 'cuz this is just crazy-making!
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

Psychologist. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst

....and questioner of the sanity of internet marketers.