What's Happening in Your Relationship?

I guess because I am a psychologist and coach, I am hearing more stories about difficulties in relationshps as people panic. It's not uncommon.

When anxiety rises, people look for someone to blame. Often, that's their partner. You know, those great sentences that begin with

"If only you had...."
"Why didn't you...?"

Instead of turning to one another for solace and comfort, they turn to each other with incriminations and reverse engineering.

Yesterday I was doing a cable television show and the host asked me why so many folks she was talking with were considering taking their families apart. My response was:

"My definition of an emotionally-mature grown up is a person who knows there is no one to blame for who and how they are. Unfortunately, there are not enough grownups!"

This is a great time to stop and spend time with yourself. Look inward and discover who you really are and who you want to be. I'm not talking about what you want to do, but rather, who you want to be, expressing and demonstrating that to everyone you meet.

Does it seem counter-intuitive when things seem to be tightening up or the wheels are falling off? Of course. It seems like this should be a major time of "doing." Get things moving. Do more. Work harder. I think that must be balanced with quiet, reflective time to know who you are and to work some very important things out.

How does this relate to your relationship? You cannot have a solid, loving, intimate, supportive relationship if you don't know who you are and take full responsibility for yourself. There is no one to blame.

I know I've got a lot more to say about relationships and what's happening to them in this new economy. And, hats off to you, if you are going much deeper with your partner into your fears, joys, and thoughts as you work through life together.

If you do happen to be blaming your partner for things, or, are taking out your anxiety on those you love, STOP IT NOW!

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